I was surprised that I was emotional for a few days after receiving the test results, even though they were mainly positive. I'm sure it was because they brought everything to the forefront again.  I never forget what's happening but my feelings are often in the background while I'm getting on with my day.

I did talk to Dr. Kaplan about what the test results mean for future treatments.  I was only scheduled to see the nurse that day, but I asked to see the doctor so I could get my questions answered sooner rather than later. I was proud of myself for getting the information I wanted and I felt better afterwards.

As I suspected, it isn't typical for tumors to respond differently to treatment (some are smaller and some started to calcify). And the tumors that stayed the same need to be watched closely.  I'll have another scan in 2, rather than 3 months, to determine if it's time to make changes. The good news is there are several treatments for stubborn tumors (including radiation, although that's not the next step).   I don't know if I'll like all the options but it's good to know there are many treatments available.

I've had some vision changes lately which have two possible causes. One is an annoying chemo side effect that I need to live with and although the other is rare (occurs less than 1% of the time), it's more serious.  I'm going to see an ophthalmologist to confirm which it is. 

My white cell count was low this week. Low enough that Dr. Kaplan considered not giving me treatment.  We went ahead because it's the last week before my break and I received a "booster" white cell shot.   I’ll be back to 3 shots a week when I return to treatment.   This wasn't unexpected and I'm used to giving myself shots, so it's a side effect I can easily deal with.

The social worker/counselor I contacted came by during my treatment two weeks ago.  She listened to my concerns and gave me some ideas to help get through my more difficult moments. She isn't available on a regular basis so I asked her about finding someone else who has experience with cancer patients. I'm still searching and hopefully I’ll find someone soon.  No call yet about a cancer buddy.  It's a little discouraging that there isn't a good match for me at this time but I'm trying to be patient.

Something new for me --  I wore a scarf in public.  Not anywhere I'd see someone I know but it's a start.  The wig isn't uncomfortable but I don't always feel like wearing it.  Olivia told her friends I have a wig and now she's afraid she's going to be embarrassed when I volunteer in her classroom this week.  She's not usually bothered by it so one of her friends must have said something to make her feel bad. I'm a little sad that her acceptance of my wig has been diminished by 1st graders.  Silly me - I thought this kind of thing wouldn't happen until she was older.

Olivia loves playing soccer and she's doing well for a beginner. She told me she tries to keep up with one boy on her team because "he's the fastest and scores the most goals".  I was impressed that she's trying to figure out ways to get better on her own.  It made me smile to watch her play with dolls before the game, then easily bring out her competitive side when it was time. Gotta love that girl.

After watching Olivia play soccer, the boys asked to be on the team but they'll need to wait until next year. For now, they're enjoying preschool and Ryan is quickly absorbing all he's learning about letters and sounds.  Daniel keeps talking about a little girl who wants to kiss him!

As we were leaving Target last Sunday, there was a "mini storm" and I decided we should run to the car, rather than wait it out. We all laughed as we got drenched in the cold rain.  The kids thought it was the greatest thing ever and want to do it again. I'm not in a big rush but I loved the good energy that lasted until dinnertime. You never know when those moments will come.  On another day, we would have complained that we were cold and wet!

I'll write again in a couple weeks. I'm looking forward to not thinking about cancer (at least as much) until then.