The good news is my white cell count stayed up which means I successfully gave myself the shots! It was easier than I thought and I was confident I did it right but it was nice to know for sure. I'm comfortable continuing on my own but James  likes to be part of the process so we'll probably share the responsibility.

Dr. Kaplan wanted to wait a little longer to order a new scan but I had some tenderness around my liver last week, so I might get one sooner.  I'll monitor it this week and he'll decide the next time I see him. I jokingly told him I thought I could feel my liver shrinking and he said it's possible I could be feeling "pulls" or scar tissue from the dramatic change in the size of my liver. He's not worried but I agree that it's a good idea to look at if it continues.

I've been sneezing a lot lately -- a minor side effect of one of the treatments. Olivia reminded me of the early days of my illness when she asked, "Does it still hurt when you sneeze"? I guess it's a positive sign that I hardly remember two short months ago when it was painful to sneeze or cough because of all that was going on in my body.  Progress is good --

I tried to keep a positive attitude while James was out of town, but it got harder as the week went on.  It wasn't only about him being away but that didn't help.  I'm a little concerned that I have a LONG way to go and I'm already tired of having difficult days each week. As I was recently reminded (thanks, Gretchen), "When life gets you down, you know what you need to do? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming  (Finding Nemo, anyone?)".  I can do this, right?

I was especially testy on Thursday because my one bad day is slowly turning in to two and I don't like it! I've accepted being sick one day but mentally I'm ready to be up and functioning by the second day. Unfortunately my body doesn't cooperate. I want to be playing with the kids, cooking for my family and many other things (not cleaning -- don't worry!). I know many people receive chemotherapy that is more difficult to tolerate and there are many more people with chronic illnesses who feel bad all the time.  I get it. But I'm not very good at accepting it. 

 I REALLY need to stop looking for medical information online at midnight. I get a question in my head that I need answered IMMEDIATELY and even when I try to find a positive outcome,  I often end up somewhere I don't want to be.  Not good.  I told James he needs to put parental controls on our computer for anything pertaining to cancer. Dr. Kaplan also said to stop  because every story is different and it really is too early for me to assume anything (except that at some level I'll always be living with this disease).   He said I can call day or night if I have a question, any question, and while I won't call him at midnight for a non-emergency, I should at least remember that he'll have a better answer if I can wait until the morning.

A little summer news:

We went to the Farmer's Market last weekend and I bought lots of delicious summer fruit.   Yum.  It's hard to have a bad day when it includes cherries, blackberries and nectarines (to name a few -- and yes, I often have them all in one day!).

Olivia picked out a new backpack for 1st grade which was a reminder of how quickly the summer is going. I'll miss her when she's back in school.  It's been fun to watch her play with Daniel and Ryan as they put on puppet shows and plays (directed by Olivia, of course), do art projects and other creative play.   There will probably be an adjustment period when school starts but I know she'll be happy to be back learning with her friends.

We'll be on our way to Cannon Beach in less than two weeks.  We had a wonderful time  last year and I'm pretty sure I won't want to come home  (except that my dear friend Su arrives the day after we get back).

Its always good to have something to look forward to!