We had a pretty good week. The kids are adjusting to our summer routine (not that we have much of a routine!) and enjoying the newly arrived sunshine. I think my fatigue increases a bit more with each treatment but I push through it when I need to -- or more importantly when I want to -- playing with the kids, visiting with friends, going shopping.  My mood was more stable last week, although not perfect (is anyone's?).    


Dr. Kaplan increased the dosage of one treatment because I'm tolerating it well. I shouldn't experience more side effects with the higher dose.  He also said my white cell count dropped quite a bit and I'll need to start getting three shots a week (instead of two). The nurse said that's not unusual and some patients need daily shots to keep their white cell count up. We'll see how it goes.  


I asked him about exercise now that I'm feeling better.  He said to take it slow and keep it low impact so I've taken a couple walks (including one through IKEA) and I'll do more when I can. 


I received my first bone strengthener about a month ago (through the port) and had a bad reaction. Even though I was told that only happens the first time, I was nervous when I received it again but I didn't have any side effects last week. I'll receive that treatment once a month to help rebuild/strengthen bone that is being compromised by the tumors.


James said he was watching the clock after I received the bone strengthener and anxiously waited for the 24 hour mark to pass (that's when I started to get uncomfortable last time). I never forget how difficult the last few months have been for him but those moments remind me that he goes through everything right along with me (more about that in a future blog).  He has just started talking about the early days after my diagnosis, which were pretty horrible. We (well, me) chose to wait to tell people but it was more difficult than we thought to struggle with this ourselves. I wanted to be able to say, "This is what I have, this is what the tests have shown, this is what we're doing about it." I didn't want to drag anyone else in to the unknown. As hard as that was I don't know if we'd do it any differently, although many people have said they're sad I didn't think I could talk to them. There's no easy answer, is there?  


One positive thing that has come out of all this (did I say that?) is I've been in touch with old friends more frequently and people I've wanted to get to know better have reached out and started friendships. I've also met wonderful people in "the club you wish you didn't belong to". A friend introduced me to someone who also has breast cancer in her liver.  She has the same kind of tumor so we've had a similar course of treatment.  She's two years post diagnosis and doing great. It's amazing how you instantly feel like friends when you meet someone who has walked in your shoes.    


I also learned of another mom who has breast cancer (a different type -- who knew there were so many?). When her cancer reoccurred she was told she only had 8-10 months but she responded better than expected to the second round of treatment and was recently told she will likely be cancer free for a long, long time. She'll probably need treatment again in the future but her prognosis went from poor to great in a few months! That was a good reminder of what a roller coaster this disease can be.  Even when you get bad news, you never know what's around the corner.  


Many of you know that a local group, "Moms for Life" put on a fundraiser for our family. I was overwhelmed at the hard work put in to the event, the attendance, the donations (monetary and for the silent auction) and the support given to our family. This has become a recurring theme in our lives: How can we thank people enough or describe how much it means to us? And in some instances, how can we thank those we don't even know?


I know the best way to give back is to "pay it forward" and do what I can for others.  At this point I don't think I'm ever going to get out of "pay it forward debt" but at the same time it's not a bad thing to continuously give to others. I'm trying to remind myself that people aren't doing anything they don't want to. They're helping when they can in the ways that are most comfortable for them. I need to make peace with that and return the kindness when and how I'm able to.


I've been told my blog not only helps people understand what our life is like but has also gives insight about friends or relatives who are going through an illness. My initial goal was to keep you informed and in the process I rediscovered that I like writing. It's helping me in many ways but it never occurred to me it would help others. Bonus!