I, like so many others, was saddened to hear that Elizabeth Edwards had lost her battle with cancer.   I continue to be inspired by the strength and grace she showed during her illness.

She survived 6 years from her original diagnosis and 3 years after her cancer metastasized.   Not the numbers I'm hoping for, so my mantra last week was, "She is not me -- everyone's journey is unique."

When I was first diagnosed, I wasn't sure I would be one of the 20% who survive longer than 5 years with Stage 4 cancer.  Now, through learning more about my disease and having faith in my doctor,  I'm not expecting anything less.  That being said, the news brought back thoughts that had been quiet for a while. I tried to reason through them by asking, "How is her story different than mine?"  Such is the life of a cancer patient -- always trying to make the stories of others fit in with our own hopes and dreams.

I'm also remembering that I told Dr. Kaplan I was depressed around Olivia's birthday, wondering how many birthdays I would share with her.  He replied, "I think you'll have many more birthdays with her."  Granted, he said, "I think" but "many" is more than 3, right?  My plan is to throw a party to celebrate my 10th year as a survivor.    Sound good?

I almost wrote a "damage control" blog last week because I read two articles that said, "Elizabeth now has cancer in her liver and there's nothing the doctors can do".   That's not universally true (which I am an example of) and I have my doubts that it was exactly true for her.   These were news articles, not medical articles.   I know one person whose liver tumors have been in remission for 4 years and there's no sign of them returning.  Those are the stories we like to hear!

Last week was rough and I'm not sure if it's because I didn't get much sleep (thank you, holidays) or if my body is ready for a break and recovery is taking longer.  I've made it a priority to get more rest and drink a lot of water this week, which seems to be helping.  I do have a cold and sore throat but hopefully that won't last long.

I think I'll have another scan in January and afterwards I'd like to be on a reduced treatment schedule but I may have a few more rounds at this pace.  Either way,  I do believe a change is coming (and needed).   Dr. Kaplan often reminds me that the "trade off" is worth it.  Feel crummy for a few days and deal with the other side effects OR still  have the same amount of disease I had when I walked in to his office and not be able to do many things that I do now. I get it but some days I gotta complain.

On to more fun things -  the kids are enjoying the holidays and this might be the year we remember as being the most magical.   They all understand the true meaning of Christmas and want to make sure we do something for baby Jesus, but the spirit of Santa is also alive and well. We went to a Christmas party and the Santa was so believable that Olivia wanted to look for his sleigh and reindeer because she knew they had to be there.  And the boys' preschool Christmas program was precious.  Daniel and Ryan sung their hearts out while Olivia and James were shepherds in the live nativity.  I'm sorry all of you missed James walking in carrying a stuffed lamb.  There will be pictures.  One of the things we miss about living near family is being able to share these moments with them (and share in theirs), so we're especially grateful to Meghan and Asa for sharing that afternoon with us.

Off to drink some water and get some rest ---